An Anti-Pumpkin Spice Latte Playlist For September 2017

 *Plays Smashing Pumpkins loudly*

*Plays Smashing Pumpkins loudly*

New music! But mixed with subliminal messages about how much I hate the pumpkin spice latte trend.

It’s almost fall! And according to a large portion of the coffee-consuming internet, it’s already fall. You know what that means: Time to raise those prices! And buy some decorative gourds! And for us common folk, it’s time to slap on those leggings and slide into them cozy Uggs, because Starbucks’ pumpkin spice latte is back, baby. 

As someone who has never tried the hotly anticipated orange bev, nor borne first-hand witness to the crazed state it puts many US citizens in, I can objectively say that y’all are being very extra and you need to stop it right now. 

So, can I really be blamed for incorporating anti-pumpkin spice sentiments into Girlboss’ "new music" playlist for September 2017? 

Grab some headphones and get comfy. Come for the new music from acts like Banoffee, Daughter, Frank Ocean and Samantha Urbani—stay for the curmudgeonly coffee, spice, and autumn mentions. Of course, Smashing Pumpkins makes an early appearance straight out the gate. Of course, Neil Young’s headline-grabbing, anti-Starbucks protest song closes out the list. 

Look, I’m sorry. But I do not, and will never, trust a seasonal drink with it’s own verified Twitter account

Words: Jerico Mandybur