8 LinkedIn Headlines That Don't Suck (And Might Make Your Future Boss Laugh)

 
Make your future boss LOL.

Make your future boss LOL.

There's no need to adhere to the status quo of being buttoned-up and boring, when it comes to LinkedIn headlines. 

Whether you're in the market for a new job or just trying to provide curious Googlers with the latest information about yourself, maintaining your LinkedIn profile isn't hard, per say.

It's just that we've been conditioned to accept the platform as totally bland, boring and information overload-y. So much so that when you get a notification or email letting you know so-and-so just updated their profile, uttering "woof" under your breath and/or shouting "WHO CARES?!" at your phone is a totally understandable response.

But here's the good news: The prospect of spending time on LinkedIn doesn't need to fill you with mind-numbing dread. 

While article after article extols the virtue of keeping things buttoned-up and profesh, that's the ubiquitous advice that's landed us in this virtual room of job-seeking automatons in the first place.

How, then, does one stand out from the crowd of highly-organized, self-motivated team players? As with most things in life, you can rarely go wrong by making someone laugh right out of the gate—in your headline. You know, the little line of words that goes next to your name. 

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Once you catch someone's attention with that bad boy, there's your chance to let loose the dazzle on the rest of your achievements and skills.

Below, we put together some sample headlines that will hopefully make your prospective boss chuckle. Tweak to your specific skill set and job goals as you see fit. 

“House Drewis, Reluctant Mistress of puns, Khaleesi of AP style, Queen of subject-verb agreement, Mother of a Taco Bell food baby.”

Having a long-ass title has worked pretty well for Dany so far, and it can for you, too. Amend as necessary to showcase all the reasons you deserve to sit on the Iron Throne. Er, I mean, the office chair.

“Basically the Beyoncé of Excel spreadsheets and SEO.”

Efficiently communicates that you’re at the top of your game. You can nix the “basically” if you want, but acknowledging the fact that Beyoncé is probably also really good at spreadsheets conveys humility.

“A real team player. Unlike Rose, I would’ve made room for Jack on that door.”

Everyone says they’re a team player, but you’re showing it. Also, shame on you, Rose. 

LIES.

LIES.

“Expert in trend forecasting, data analysis, and every bit of internet lingo you have to look up on Urban Dictionary.”

FWIW, YOLO, so might as well HMU if you want someone who really knows how to ~internet.~ #WAATTBA.

“Social media superstar. Texting speed: 1,234 WPM. Can literally write an entire content report with emojis.”

Social media is still a brave new world. Demonstrate upfront why spending 16 hours a day staring at your smartphone has paid off.

“You won’t BELIEVE the ONE reason why this copywriter is the best that’s ever lived.”

Clickbait headlines work and everyone knows it. Still, show your prospective employer that you don’t take it (or yourself) too seriously.

“Journalist writing about tech and innovation. I ace the CAPTCHA every. Single. Time.” 

How do you stand out from all the braggadocios showcasing how much they know about the specs of the iPhone X? Undersell yourself. 

“Sales extraordinaire. Can 100 percent convince your dad he needs yet another pair of transition lenses.”

You could probably even get him to stop yelling at Siri, if given the opportunity—you're just that good. 

Once you've got your spiffy new headline, make sure the rest of your profile is up to snuff, too.

Words: Deena Drewis
Photo: Daria Kobayashi Ritch