I’m Lazy AF, But I Still Managed To Run A Half Marathon. Here’s How I Pulled It Off

 

Last November, in a misguided attempt to make myself exercise through the winter, I signed up for a half marathon: the Semi de Paris, to be precise. Scheduled for the beginning of March, I figured I would have no option but to haul ass outdoors on the regular and run off all the extra Christmas calories I was consuming—or so I told myself.

Fast-forward to the big day and I had trained precisely 10 times, all indoors on a treadmill, never running anywhere close to a half marathon. But I did it. I ran those 13.1 miles in the pouring Parisian rain, never stopping, until I crossed the finish line after two hours and 12 minutes.

While I’m in no position to advise you on a training plan (in fact, please do not follow my example), here are a few suggestions to help all you lazy or under-trained ladies boss your own running challenge:

 

Plan Your Playlist

It’s a no-brainer that great music makes exercise more fun, but I got pretty scientific with my Spotify choices, ordering my tracks around where I imagined I would be at certain points in the race and what my needs would be at that time.

In the habit of starting too fast thanks to that huge adrenaline rush? Kick off with a song that’s upbeat, but not so high-tempo; for me it was Lorde’s “Green Light.” Think you’ll need a pick-me-up at the three-mile mark? Work out how long it should take you to reach that point, then plot in one of your favourite EDM tracks or a higher-tempo remix, which will lift your mood and your feet.

Make sure you’ve made a long enough playlist to last the whole race and your phone is fully charged and you’re good to go.

 

 Rally The Squad

This one’s especially important if you’re running alone, like I was, because there’s nothing like a familiar face to shame you out of quitting. Get your chosen cheerleaders to spectate from wherever you think you might hit a wall; mine were at the halfway point and it really helped me coast through the first six miles knowing I’d see them even for a split second. Just don’t stop to chat—ain’t nobody got time for that.

 

Carb Up

The best part about distance running is obviously having free rein to binge on carbs the day before—you need them for energy, after all. Personally, I ate fairly normally until my last supper before the race, then had a generous portion of pasta for dinner and some kind of pastry-based cake for dessert. When in Paris!

 

Use Your Imagination

OK, so this is one of my weirder half marathon methods, but bear with me: My playlist was pretty heavy on EDM, so whenever there was a drop in a song, I’d imagine I was in one of my favourite clubs in Ibiza and the smoke cannons had just gone off. Instant euphoria. I know, I’m nuts, but I’d also highly recommend visualising someone really hot screaming at you to keep going. Just don’t be too disappointed when they’re not actually at the finish line waiting for you.  


Keep Smiling

It might seem tricky when you’re tired and achy, but I honestly felt like it was easier to keep going when I had a smile on my face, maybe because it tricked my brain into thinking I really love running in the rain? IDK, but give it a try and, if nothing else, at least you’ll look cute in the official photos.

-Jennifer Lynn

 
Deena Drewis